A few days ago I did a blog post and talked a little about the messages we heard preached on Sunday. I said I would do a separate post talking about that, so as promised here it is. I hope this will be a help to you like it was for me!

Sunday at our church we had a visiting preacher, Bro. Larry Wells. He preached a wonderful message Sunday morning about Samson. I was unable to be in the service due to working in the nursery, but I was able to listen to the message afterwards once we got home. I had more than one person tell me that I needed to listen to it. I quickly understood why… This message truly touched my heart! He talked about this baby having a purpose for his life. His Mother was barren, but God gave them a promise that they would have a son. (Stories like this hit very close to home for us.) In Judges 13:2 the bible tells about his parents. It doesn’t say much, but we know his father’s name was Manoah. However, his mother’s name is never mentioned. All it says about her was that she was barren. As Bro. Wells preached he talked about how being barren in those days was different from what it is now. In those days if a man’s spouse was barren, by law he could take another to bare children for him. I honestly cannot imagine that my husband would get another wife! I know it was their way and their custom, but in my mind I still can’t fathom such an idea!

Bro. Wells talked about how it tells in vs. 3-5 that she would bare a son. It was a promise from the Lord, but he also told her things she was to do and not to do. She was to keep her life clean so that as she lived before her son she would be able to teach him and train him right. His Father was of course to do these things as well. The Lord told her that Samson would be a deliverer to the Israelites. He talked about how her name was never mentioned, but she was to have a son that would change the world! Can you imagine that…having a child that could have such an influence on so many lives? Could it be that the children we are praying for could have that kind of influence on our small community or maybe even more? It does not matter to me what our child might do in life as far as being a firefighter, pilot, scientist, construction worker, doctor, lawyer, preacher, teacher, etc… What matters to me is that God’s purpose would be fulfilled in our child’s life.

Bro. Wells talked about how Samson’s mother was what some might have called a no-name, but what a GREAT roll she played in the life of her son. I’m sure the ridicule she received and the snubbed noses and cold eyes from other people was almost unbearable all because she was barren. I can imagine the thoughts that might have played through her mind at times. Maybe feeling as if what was HER purpose in life if she could not have a baby?! I know the Bible doesn’t say that. I suppose that is just my own thought because in some ways I’ve felt that way too.

I’m definitely not gonna say things have always been easy! I’ve questioned what else would God want me to do…especially when that is all I have ever wanted? Feeling as if I was a burden to my husband, to my family, my church, and my friends. I’ve even questioned at times “God, where are you or are You even real?” I’ve gone through times of doubting my salvation because I would read the Bible and it seemed like there was no point. I’ve prayed and thought it was meaningless. I began to think…If I was saved then why can I not find any peace? I have felt empty and lonely while searching for a place to just be me, and not have to feel ashamed. I am who God made me…definitely not perfect, and coming to a point of having to realize my complete dependance on the Lord or I would never make it through! I’ve failed Him terribly, yet He still chooses to use me and bless my life!

Someone once told me that the most important thing was being HIS child and loving HIM no matter what happened. Can I be honest though and say that I did lose sight of that? I had bitterness in my heart… It was so easy, and the next thing I knew I was looking back and asking  myself, “How did that happen?” Sadly…because of my bitterness, there was time that I lost with the Lord that I could have had, but instead I let so much bitterness and anger consume me. Yes, I’m ashamed of it. Thankfully though, I know He will forgive me and has. I KNOW He loves me! I’ve learned a little of what it means to be on guard more. I must keep myself in His Word and keep my eyes on Him. I KNOW my help comes from Him if I will only allow Him. He wants to help us, but He won’t force us to come to him!

It makes me think of Samson a little later in his life. God did tell his Mom that He was gonna use him greatly. God knew what Samson would be and the awful things he would do, and yet He still chose to use him. He still chose to use me. All I can really say is…

I stand amazed! 

In times when I felt like I was at my lowest I have also found the peace and comfort that only He can give when you are facing heart ache. I HAVE found comfort in a secret place when I couldn’t even pray. He knew my heart and heard my unspoken cry. I HAVE found comfort through His Holy Word when nothing else could be said to help. Only His Words could speak to my brokenness. I’m not saying any of this to make any of you feel sorry for me or toot a horn. It is through this I have come to KNOW God has a purpose for the things we have faced. While I may or may not ever understand it while on this earth, there is a reason for everything HE does! I KNOW HIS WAYS ARE PERFECT even though we might feel pain. I realized that maybe my purpose was to go through this not because I did something wrong and deserved it as a punishment, but maybe it has been because God needed to test me to see how I would react? Would I trust Him through it all or would I let the pressure and hurt push me away from Him.  I also realize that maybe someday there will be some other family that we can be a blessing to because the Lord has used this in our lives!

I know that I am not a Mom yet, but I still have responsibilities. While we are not responsible for the life of a child yet and teaching them and training them in the ways of the Lord, I am responsible for how I live. I want to make sure that I am doing everything now that I can. Don’t get me wrong… I am far from perfect and never will be, but I want to be striving to do right and live my life in such a way that when we do have children there will not be any question in their minds that their Mommy loves the Lord. I do love Him, I’ve not always lived in such a way that would show it, but I want to. I want to be so much in love with Him that I will be consumed by Him! I don’t think that is a bad thing, and I sure don’t think it is a bad thing to show our (hopefully soon to be) children. I know if we don’t show them then the devil will surely find a way to lead them astray. It makes me scared to think of it, but the devil wants our life and the lives of our children too. Knowing that there will be a battle between the Lord and the devil for our child’s soul makes me want to always be on guard! I want to be able to be a prayer warrior for our children and my family! My home is too precious not to… I want to be able to stand firm against the devil and his wickedness. I know it is only through the Lord and His strength that I can. I pray I can be what He wants me to be, and as I said in the blog post before, be happy in the place that He has put me for now.

I hope I’ve not been boring to y’all with such a LONG post again. I just found myself pouring out my heart after I listened to that message Sunday morning! Please continue to pray for us.

 Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15