We have something new to share. Jonathan and I have always wished we could think of a way to give something back to everyone who gives a donation to us, but have not been sure on how to go about doing it. A few months ago I was doing some shopping and came across these sweet puzzle piece charms and I immediately wanted one so I could make a bracelet for myself. I just couldn’t pass it up! Then that gave me the idea to share them with others that we know.

My original thought was to use pink and blue ribbon, but I was given the idea to do the ribbon in all different colors because that way people could choose whatever they want. Whether it be a solid color or print. This one is a sheer ribbon, but I could do satin or gross-grain ribbon also. I even have one that I am about to make for my Mom that will have orange and white ribbon on it for the University of Tennessee. So, for all of the sports fans out there I can even do ones with ribbon for your favorite team! Of course team colors may not be perfect but I will get it as close as possible. Since this is such a new idea, I’ve only made a few to give this a try. If you are interested in purchasing one for yourself let me know and I can make it for you and then send it through the mail if you do not live here locally. We are selling them for $15.00 and as it has been up till now whatever is given through these bracelets will go into our IVF fund, and you will have a cute, sweet bracelet to wear. I hope when you wear it it will also be a reminder to continue praying for us! I realize that there might be some who would be willing to give, but may not be interested in the bracelet so we do still have the Paypal account that you can give through with buying the puzzle pieces and we will also continue the $5 Friday posts that you can give through. This is another way that you can give, but also receive something in return! I hope you all will like them as much as I do. 🙂

On Sunday, our church took up an offering for our fund. Fellowship Baptist Church has been wonderful to us since we joined the church a little over 5 years ago. Ever since then, Becky and I have been so glad that God put us there. We’ve been helped in many ways, and God has chosen to use us there as well.

To be honest, there are no words to describe what our church family means to us. We’re pretty overwhelmed at this point at their gracious hearts. ‘Thank you’ seems to be so insufficient.

I’ve just deposited the money into our bank account designated for IVF, and as you can see to the right, our total has gone up to $7,455! We’ve been pushed over the halfway mark in only about 10 months!

Thank you all again for your giving and your continued prayers for us!

A few days ago I did a blog post and talked a little about the messages we heard preached on Sunday. I said I would do a separate post talking about that, so as promised here it is. I hope this will be a help to you like it was for me!

Sunday at our church we had a visiting preacher, Bro. Larry Wells. He preached a wonderful message Sunday morning about Samson. I was unable to be in the service due to working in the nursery, but I was able to listen to the message afterwards once we got home. I had more than one person tell me that I needed to listen to it. I quickly understood why… This message truly touched my heart! He talked about this baby having a purpose for his life. His Mother was barren, but God gave them a promise that they would have a son. (Stories like this hit very close to home for us.) In Judges 13:2 the bible tells about his parents. It doesn’t say much, but we know his father’s name was Manoah. However, his mother’s name is never mentioned. All it says about her was that she was barren. As Bro. Wells preached he talked about how being barren in those days was different from what it is now. In those days if a man’s spouse was barren, by law he could take another to bare children for him. I honestly cannot imagine that my husband would get another wife! I know it was their way and their custom, but in my mind I still can’t fathom such an idea!

Bro. Wells talked about how it tells in vs. 3-5 that she would bare a son. It was a promise from the Lord, but he also told her things she was to do and not to do. She was to keep her life clean so that as she lived before her son she would be able to teach him and train him right. His Father was of course to do these things as well. The Lord told her that Samson would be a deliverer to the Israelites. He talked about how her name was never mentioned, but she was to have a son that would change the world! Can you imagine that…having a child that could have such an influence on so many lives? Could it be that the children we are praying for could have that kind of influence on our small community or maybe even more? It does not matter to me what our child might do in life as far as being a firefighter, pilot, scientist, construction worker, doctor, lawyer, preacher, teacher, etc… What matters to me is that God’s purpose would be fulfilled in our child’s life.

Bro. Wells talked about how Samson’s mother was what some might have called a no-name, but what a GREAT roll she played in the life of her son. I’m sure the ridicule she received and the snubbed noses and cold eyes from other people was almost unbearable all because she was barren. I can imagine the thoughts that might have played through her mind at times. Maybe feeling as if what was HER purpose in life if she could not have a baby?! I know the Bible doesn’t say that. I suppose that is just my own thought because in some ways I’ve felt that way too.

I’m definitely not gonna say things have always been easy! I’ve questioned what else would God want me to do…especially when that is all I have ever wanted? Feeling as if I was a burden to my husband, to my family, my church, and my friends. I’ve even questioned at times “God, where are you or are You even real?” I’ve gone through times of doubting my salvation because I would read the Bible and it seemed like there was no point. I’ve prayed and thought it was meaningless. I began to think…If I was saved then why can I not find any peace? I have felt empty and lonely while searching for a place to just be me, and not have to feel ashamed. I am who God made me…definitely not perfect, and coming to a point of having to realize my complete dependance on the Lord or I would never make it through! I’ve failed Him terribly, yet He still chooses to use me and bless my life!

Someone once told me that the most important thing was being HIS child and loving HIM no matter what happened. Can I be honest though and say that I did lose sight of that? I had bitterness in my heart… It was so easy, and the next thing I knew I was looking back and asking  myself, “How did that happen?” Sadly…because of my bitterness, there was time that I lost with the Lord that I could have had, but instead I let so much bitterness and anger consume me. Yes, I’m ashamed of it. Thankfully though, I know He will forgive me and has. I KNOW He loves me! I’ve learned a little of what it means to be on guard more. I must keep myself in His Word and keep my eyes on Him. I KNOW my help comes from Him if I will only allow Him. He wants to help us, but He won’t force us to come to him!

It makes me think of Samson a little later in his life. God did tell his Mom that He was gonna use him greatly. God knew what Samson would be and the awful things he would do, and yet He still chose to use him. He still chose to use me. All I can really say is…

I stand amazed! 

In times when I felt like I was at my lowest I have also found the peace and comfort that only He can give when you are facing heart ache. I HAVE found comfort in a secret place when I couldn’t even pray. He knew my heart and heard my unspoken cry. I HAVE found comfort through His Holy Word when nothing else could be said to help. Only His Words could speak to my brokenness. I’m not saying any of this to make any of you feel sorry for me or toot a horn. It is through this I have come to KNOW God has a purpose for the things we have faced. While I may or may not ever understand it while on this earth, there is a reason for everything HE does! I KNOW HIS WAYS ARE PERFECT even though we might feel pain. I realized that maybe my purpose was to go through this not because I did something wrong and deserved it as a punishment, but maybe it has been because God needed to test me to see how I would react? Would I trust Him through it all or would I let the pressure and hurt push me away from Him.  I also realize that maybe someday there will be some other family that we can be a blessing to because the Lord has used this in our lives!

I know that I am not a Mom yet, but I still have responsibilities. While we are not responsible for the life of a child yet and teaching them and training them in the ways of the Lord, I am responsible for how I live. I want to make sure that I am doing everything now that I can. Don’t get me wrong… I am far from perfect and never will be, but I want to be striving to do right and live my life in such a way that when we do have children there will not be any question in their minds that their Mommy loves the Lord. I do love Him, I’ve not always lived in such a way that would show it, but I want to. I want to be so much in love with Him that I will be consumed by Him! I don’t think that is a bad thing, and I sure don’t think it is a bad thing to show our (hopefully soon to be) children. I know if we don’t show them then the devil will surely find a way to lead them astray. It makes me scared to think of it, but the devil wants our life and the lives of our children too. Knowing that there will be a battle between the Lord and the devil for our child’s soul makes me want to always be on guard! I want to be able to be a prayer warrior for our children and my family! My home is too precious not to… I want to be able to stand firm against the devil and his wickedness. I know it is only through the Lord and His strength that I can. I pray I can be what He wants me to be, and as I said in the blog post before, be happy in the place that He has put me for now.

I hope I’ve not been boring to y’all with such a LONG post again. I just found myself pouring out my heart after I listened to that message Sunday morning! Please continue to pray for us.

 Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15

I was just about to  hit publish on a post for day 7 when Jonathan called me into his office a few minutes ago. He showed me an email that we had just received from the Cade Foundation. They surprisingly answered us a week early. This is what it said….

Thank you for your interest in the Tinina Q. Cade Family Building Grant.  This year received 157 applications which were extremely competitive. It was obvious that everyone who applied sincerely desired to become parents, and we have no doubt that everyone will make excellent parents. However, do to limitations in our funding, we are not able to provide financial support to everyone who applied for the 2014 Family Building Grant.  We were able to fund 5 families this year. Unfortunately, we are not able to offer you a grant at this time.

Please continue pursuing this very important dream.  Though we are not able to provide you financial support, we have identified the following resources which may be helpful to families pursuing infertility treatment and adoption.This information is purely informational and does not represent an endorsement of these companies.

Please know that despite the fact that we can’t offer funding- we still want to support you. We invite you to stay connected via social media or/ and to attend a local outreach program hosted by Cade Foundation or another non profit that supports families with infertility. You are not alone on this journey. Several organizations that provide wonderful support include RESOLVE, the Broken Brown Egg, and A Family Of My Own- but there are also likely other groups in your community that will gladly welcome and support you.

_________________________________________________________________________

I know I’ve made a pretty big deal of all this grant stuff, but for us this has been a pretty big deal!  Since we now know their decision, we have a new goal of raising a grand total of $14,030.00. As stated to the right we have raised $6,655.00 which means what we have left now, instead of a little less than $1,300.00 is $7,375.00, BUT the fact that we will have raised almost $7,000 since the middle of this past December is just amazing! Woah… What a blessing!

I have to say thank you to the Lord! What love He has shown to us. When we first realized the amount of money we would need it seemed almost impossible to us to come up with it all, but He has proven once again that He can provide a way! Why did I ever doubt that?  It is also through the generosity of you all that we have come so far. Thank you alone  just does not really seem like enough. What a blessing all of you have been to us!

If we had received the grant it would have been given to us by January 2014. We had made some tentative plans to start IVF treatments at that point. I realize now though that it is only 84 days till the start of 2014. However… I will NOT put a time limit on what we are doing because God’s timing is not the same as ours. IF He sees fit to allow us to raise that much in that amount of time then wonderful, but if not then I don’t want to do any complaining! He has been WAY to good to us through all this to start any of that now.

I hope you all will continue to keep up with us in the days and months to come. What new and exciting things will we see the Lord do next?

-Becky

Today is day 8 till we find out about the grant, and as I sit here tonight my mind is filled with so many thoughts.  Those of excitement for everything we are doing and the hope that maybe this time next year we will have a child of our own or at least be preparing for one! After yesterday, and the messages we heard preached, my mind and heart have been opened to some things that I’ve already known, but haven’t really and fully taken to heart. Why? Well… I guess I thought at this time some of these things did not pertain to me because we don’t have a child and while it IS different, I know there are things I can still be and should be doing now. Not that I haven’t, but we can ALWAYS be doing more! After yesterday’s messages that were preached at church I’ve seen that my heart has not been completely in the right place. Not that I’ve done some awful thing, but that I’ve failed to see the importance of what I should be doing now.

Someone once gave me a Bible verse that was a blessing and help to them when they were facing some of the very same things we are. The verse is found in Psalm 113:9

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

When this verse was first shared with me some time ago, I read it, I prayed about it, I meditated on it, I talked to Jonathan about it, I studied it out with other commentaries. I wanted to understand what this verse had to say to me. I can’t really explain it, but somehow this verse brought me both confusion and peace. After a long time of searching it out, what I got from it was that while I do not have children of my own now, I am to be happy in the place that God has placed me in. Take the things that He has for me to do and do it with everything I have. For now, that is being a wife to the wonderful husband God has blessed me with. Jonathan is a blessing to me, he helps me, he prays for me, he guides our home, he works hard for what we need, and lets me have to many of the things that I just want. 😉 He is good to me, he is a good man, he loves me, but what I love most about him is how he loves the Lord! I know he’s not perfect, but I think he almost is, and he is perfect for me! God has truly blessed us… He has blessed me…

Jonathan is also the youth director at our church so I try to help him with any of those areas that I possibly can. As the youth director’s wife I want to strive to be a good light and example to our young people. I suppose especially to the young girls and young ladies of our church. Their lives and souls are precious to the Lord, and to me! I want them to know they can come to me for help if they need it, that I pray for them, I love them, and will always speak truth to them. I never want to do anything or say anything that might lead one of them in the wrong way. I want to be a blessing to their lives and a help to them. When we first came to our church most of the young people were in their early teens and younger. Most of those young teenagers are grown now and off to college, and we have a new generation of young ones coming up behind them. This year has been 5 years since we came to FBC and as I look back over those few short years, I feel like there was so much more I should have done. I feel like I failed them. They are a great group of young people, and I love seeing their love for the Lord. I just hope that the small part that I have had in their lives up to this point has been good. I pray that as this new generation comes along that I can be a good example. I know it is only through the Lord!

I also have 8 of the world’s greatest nephews, 1 precious niece, and another niece on the way! I am one very blessed “Aunt Becky”. 🙂 It may sound silly to some people, and while I know these children are not my own, they mean everything to me! They are my world right now. I can’t imagine not being able to be a part of their lives. A couple of our nephews are getting into their early teens, but they still like coming to stay with us. I guess I’m not too old or un-cool yet. 😉 Of course I love when they come stay with us. I like to spoil them a little. I like to read books, and play board games, they all like video games (of course) so I like to chime in sometimes and play a game too. I like going to McDonald’s and ordering lots of kids meals, I love going to the park to play, I like play dough, sidewalk chalk, and finger paint. Sometimes my fridge is so full of their little “Masterpieces” that its hard to get the door open so I can pour one of them a glass of Chocolate milk, but that’s ok too! While I love having them around and doing all the fun things with them… I want to be a good example to them as well. When they look at Uncle Jonathan & Aunt Becky I want them to of course think we are lots of fun, but most importantly I want them to know how much we love the Lord too. I want to be a GOOD Aunt, not just someone they see from time to time or for the holidays! Ryder and Braden are old enough now that they know truth, they understand it. What a crucial time in their lives, and they may not even realize it. I want to be a good example to them.  Daniel just recently ask the Lord to save him! What a precious moment in his life. There is no greater decision that he could have made in his life than to trust Jesus! I love hearing him talk about Bible stories. Zekkie and Jackson have just started kindergarten. They are already learning Bible verses, and simple truths that will help to shape their lives. Timothy and Colt are still very young, but it won’t be long until they too  will reach the age of accountability. For right now though… its just fun being little, and playing all day. Eva is 2. She is a very small girl, but she is feisty, she loves to be prissy, but she doesn’t mind getting her sandals dirty either. 😉 Gunner is already 3 weeks old! I can’t believe it. These precious lives are not just kids underfoot! They are souls that our Savior loves. He has a plan designed for each of them, but the devil and the world wants them too. What a scary thought! I hope I will always be a good example and help to them.

I may not be a Mom yet, but I am a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a step-daughter, a step-sister, an aunt, a friend, a sister-in-law, a Christian, and a youth director’s wife (or as one of the young people called me one time, a Youth directoress)! Am I doing what I can for those around me? I’ve often asked myself… What is my place? What am I good at? Could it be that it’s just being good at those things I have talked about? Being there for all these people in my life? Being happy where He has placed me? I still don’t really know the answer to that question, but I guess it’s something to ponder on!

I hope I’ve not been boring to y’all with this post! Please keep praying for us as we are waiting to find out about the grant. Tomorrow I’ll try to do a post about the messages that I was talking about that were preached yesterday, and how they spoke to my heart. I suppose for now though today’s post is long enough! 

God Bless Each One Of You! 

-Becky

It is day nine…. I can’t believe how fast time is going by! We are so thankful for everything that has been happening….for the prayers, love, and financial support from friends and family. It has been overwhelming and humbling to say the least!

Today is also Sunday, the Lord’s day, so lets go to HIS house and worship Him with a thankful heart for His blessings on our lives! I can’t think of any place I’d rather be on this beautiful Sunday morning! Please keep praying for us.